Doubts

Is it possible to happily be with someone who holds completely different ideals and beliefs? I'm not saying one is right and one is wrong; these are simply observations. Just trying to clear my head a bit.

I would describe myself as an idealist and a dreamer. I have faith and hope. I have strong ties to family and home.

He seems like a nihilist and a realist. He has no faith. He doesn't have strong family ties and it seems like he can't stay in one place too long.

I thought we were very much alike but now that I think of it, we are two completely different people. We really never have a conflict with our differences, but we are aware of them. I guess we just kind of glide over them. I wouldn't want to go into a conversation about it with him because I have nothing to back up my beliefs. It's just whats truly important to me.
My inner conflict: later on in life, is he going to understand my priorities and be able to compromise even though his priorities are completely different?

Am I dragging this relationship on because he is my first love and I am unable to let go? I have this nagging feeling that although we've been able to hold on to a long distance relationship fairly well, he is going to move away again. If so, whats the point?
I'm anchored to home-to family. Although I did say I was going to study abroad for a semester, it is only for a semester. No matter where I go, I will always come back.
Can I say the same for him?

bow-chika-wow-wowwww

aha!

I've talked quite a lot about studying abroad, but I've been rather vague about the topic. I did a little research and I believe I've decided a location...or at least have narrowed it down to two, ha! I've narrowed it down to International Business or Performing Arts-specifically Italian Opera (hence, my location choice!) I have yet to do more research! Hopefully I won't have to choose between the two and can do both if I work really hard. I don't mind working double time- I work best under pressure anyhow. Nothing is going to get in my way of this; this is something that I
have to do for myself. I am so excited. First semester of Junior year-it's gonna happen. I've
already started saving up!


First choice: John Cabot University in Rome

















Second choice: Florence University of the Arts

.

I once wanted to get as far away from here as possible. I thought I needed to move away in order to meet new people and have new experiences.
I realized that I'm kind of wrong.
I've met everyone that I need. I have the best friends and boyfriend in the entire world, although some are far away (i.e. stine, david, monica, alex). Ya'll mean the absolute world to me.

I hung out with my friend Mack last night whom I haven't spoken to in two years. It just made me realize that in the last four years, I've met the most amazing people.
I'm almost positive that if I go elsewhere, I will not find friends more faithful, interesting, or beautiful than the close group of friends that I have now.
I am so genuinely happy!!!

tears

i can barely see the keyboard i'm crying so hard.
i dont know if it's because my jaw is throbbing in pain
or if it's because i'm already starting to miss him and he's not even gone yet.
maybe it's a combination of both.

i've been confined to my bed for the past 2 days. i havn't seen daylight and i've only seen my family and boyfriend.
where the hell are my friends?
i'm gonna go take some more hydro codeine and ketorolac to numb my physical pain and maybe i'll drift off to sleep

x

Three weeks left...

I can do this?
Sure. I'll keep telling myself that

surprise surprise

this ties into my previous post i suppose.
my brother was searching on myspace yesterday and just so happened to type in the name "david regalado".
i have a step brother. i've known about him all of my life and have even searched for him myself on the net without success.
suddenly, my brother is successful and we started talking.
he's 26 years old.
i have an older brother.
this is crazy...

existance of fate or an overwhelming coincidence?

so this morning my best friend from kindergarten hunted me down on facebook. we talked for almost an hour and figured out we're pretty much the same person. same style, interests, habits, etc. how is it that after 12 years we grew INTO the same person? and after 12 years, shes suddenly back in my life again.
coincidence?

later in the day, david and i went to a palm reader. not that i'm totally superstitious, it was just for fun. walking in there, i was giggling and mocking the lady. i was a skeptic. walking out, my jaw was dropping. she described my most intimate thoughts, some very detailed recurrent dreams i've had, and my future. i really wish i could go into detail about the future stuff, but she made me vow to never disclose the reading because it will turn into negativity and bad things will happen to me. now, this doesn't mean i'm a complete believer. i'm a half believer and half skeptic. i'll just stay on the safe side though. anyways, it lead me into thinking that if this whole palm reading thing was real, then fate must be real. i mean, it's like my fate is mapped out in my palm. some of the things and people in my reading are in my life right now.
coincidence?
or are these specific people carefully plotted by fate into my life like they're supposed to be there, they belong.
is that why it feels so....right?

satisfactory solitude

i've been reading eclipse all evening, downloading music, and am about to start cleaning my room. the combination of incense and scented candles burning adds a nice touch to my mood.
i can't really describe it but theres something about the solitude i've had this evening thats really satisfactory. no distractions. i get a sense of independence and serenity. i really enjoy it. it's a nice balance to the end of this chaotic week.
i should do this more often!

11:33 am

summer is going by way too fast.
alex is leaving for europe today.
i'm extremely jealous.

F5

New job, new schedule, soon an entirely new life (but I don't want to get into that until the end of summer). My goal is to save up as much money as possible.
I was reading an astrology book yesterday and it said capricorns are materialistic and ambitious. I don't think i'm necessarily materialistic, but I do feel like I need money right now.
Note: I don't believe in astrology bullshit, I was just curious.

I feel refreshed.

non confrontational

i need to work on communicating my feelings. why am i so non confrontational? i bottle up all opinions and emotions. i sway to the way people want me to think and act. i need to stand up for myself, but i can barely manage the strength. it's getting to a point where i just want to isolate myself from everyone and everything. i suppose i'm non confrontational because i want to prevent any drama, but somehow it's managed to find me. chances are, if things get hard...i run away. don't be my friend. i apparently suck at life.

living life in the fast lane?

Everything is happening too fast. Banquets. Prom. Graduation.
I want it to come, but not this fast. Not just yet.
I'm scared. (Well, maybe scared is not the right word).
Anxious perhaps.
All I know is, I'm not quite ready for the future.

public

Since I made my other blog private, I added this one...
Open to all creepers!
Welcome!